Thoughts Collided Part 2 (Post Audition Ramblings)

Precisely three years ago today, Esther, age 17, arrived in Rosebud for her scout week.
What a week it was. Full of discovery, new experiences, and comfort levels challenged. I left Rosebud certain of one thing: I wanted to come back.
At 1:30 today I had a maybe-life-changing-but-not-really-but-actually-it-could-be audition.
Today I auditioned for the  Acting Programme.
I'm caught in the tension of knowing that the audition isn't the definitive factor of whether or not I'm accepted, but still, it feels big.
I've never done anything like this before. I think about what I prepared for my talent assessment three years ago, and what I did today, and marvel. I've come a long way, which is why I want to continue honing my acting skills. There's a high that comes from performing, that only comes from performing. I put a lot of work into my audition pieces, and yet, I know there's more.
There will always be more.
Which is why I'm here, (in Rosebud) why I'm going to be nervous and anxious and trying not dissect every beat of my audition, and swing from convincing myself that I did something wrong, I'm not getting in, to absolute certainty this is where I belong.
Because I want more.
Maybe this is confusing. Let me explain.
In Rosebud, you do a Scout Week, which ends in a talent assessment and interview. That gets you into the Certificate year. Once you finish Cert, you have to choose one of the  mentorship programmes to apply for (Acting, Theatre Arts, Technical Theatre, or Music.)
You write a statement of purpose (see my past post) have an audition, and an interview.
Everything clear?
Good.
I still have my interview left, then I wait till the first week of May.
And yes, I know it's only as big a deal as I make it, and I'm starting to ramble, but that's okay. It's been an eventful day.
The thought of committing to another 1-3 years here is intimidating. What do I think I'm doing? Acting isn't know for being stable, well paying, or other things you look for in a job.
I want more.
Something in me is being called, and today I made the choice to publicly say yes.
Yes, I want to be in the acting programme. Yes, I want to stay in Rosebud. Yes, I can handle myself in an audition. I better get used to it.
I'm not finished with Rosebud. I think Rosebud isn't finished with me.