I often stand with my back to the future.
Gazing into my past, I try to sift through my mistakes, sorting out what I could have done differently, trying to learn, so history won't repeat history. Yet, sometimes I wonder if I wander the mazes too frequently. Have they become regular walking paths? Maybe I've learned what I can from the labyrinth.
I feel my lives colliding; present, future, past. I'm finally catching up to myself; the part of me who knows it's time to move forward. I've wrestled with questions. Some, I'll never know the answer to.
It is sad to say goodbye to yesterdays. There are memories I've clung to, wrapping myself in them like a blanket, shutting out the present, resting in an easier, simpler time.
Though, as time goes by, some memories become tainted by reality. The present always seems to burst the idealistic past's bubble, and I must accept things will never go back to the way they were.
That is not the nature of life.
The sweetness leaves some memories, and no matter how long I wander in the past, I find myself in the present, a slight bitterness on my tongue.
I cannot get the past back.
A part of me has waiting for the rest to catch up.
I think I'm finding and meeting her now.
I like this woman. I can see by the light in her eyes she has not given up. I can tell by the occasional flicker of wariness across her face she has known deep pain and loss, and has not forgotten the salty taste of heartache's tears.
I like this woman. She is becoming bolder when she needs to, and discovering the worth of silence. She is many things I've always wanted, from her long hair, to her adventurous spirit, to her heart who's bottom is yet to be found. She is spontaneous and dependable.
I like this woman, facing the winds of future-change, unafraid.
She's let herself hope and dream again, while still remembering to breathe, and stand on her current stepping stone in time.
She is holding out her hand to me.
She has waited patiently for me to catch up. I haven't been ready before now.
We take our first step together, maybe for the first time ever.
Forward, on, moving as one.
