The Place Called Contentment (the importance of being okay)

  I finally understood today.
As I listened to this sermon by Joshua Harris, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyKDSxT1QOw
head knowledge started it's descent to my heart.
Boys are friends, not food.
Let me explain.
I've grown up, and am living in, a culture that idolizes.
Everything.
Money, power, sex, men, women, fill in the blank.
  We're trained to objectify and worship. I hear a lot about the objectification of women.
But blame does not lie completely on one side. I'm just as guilty of wrong ideas and expectations.
The Bible tells us to do unto others as we would have others do unto you.
If I treat guys in my life as eye candy, or a prospective boyfriend, is that how I will be treated?
What bugs me is when I'm having a perfectly innocent interaction with a guy at church, I usually get questioned afterward,
"Do you like him?"
"Do you think he likes me?" I respond. We giggle and I blush. This begins the down spiral of doom.
 I instantly set myself up for disaster. Once that little word "like" has been thrown into your thoughts, its hard to view that person in the same way. Immediately a commentary begins in your head the next time you speak to them:
"Oh, I wonder if he does really like me. He's talking to me. That's a good sign. Or is he talking to me because I'm standing alone and I look pathetic. Does he think I'm pathetic? Oh, great, now I"m blushing. wait, what did he just say?"
  It's hard to un-think things once they've been introduced into your mind, or not react when you are attracted to someone, but it's not impossible. A little nugget that I need reminding of often: Attraction doesn't go away in marriage. Even once you are married, temptation will arise. The habits I build now will shape my future choices. If I let myself  innocently"like" a lot of the guys I interact with, that sets my heart up for a challenge once I find the one I'll love.
  It's something God has been convicting me of, and there's been a lot of heart surgery going on. He's been telling me "no" to the guy desire. He's challenged me to stop looking, and change my attitudes. It's a daily surrender, and I am far from perfect. I'm learning how to love and honor the men on my life as brothers, which brings me to my next point.
   The importance of being okay.
It seems like God has me in a season of "no." He's been asking for everything. All my desires, dreams, hopes, plans, all of me.
I've been sitting at His feet, not listening, just reading off my list of What I Think Is Good For Me.
He's waited patiently, then answers,
"That's not the good I have for you."
It's not that my desires are wrong, but the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
I've reluctantly handed over my list, and you know what?
I'm okay! More than okay! This week has brought some tough stuff, and yet all I've experienced is peace and joy that surpass understanding.
I'm moving closer to the place called contentment.
May you be blessed!
Star

The Sound of Someone Wanting Me

    The soft buzz of my phone vibrating alerts me to the fact I have an unread message. I pause what I am doing to deliberate. Do I break my concentration to read the message? I try to focus on the book I'm studying, but the magnetism is too strong.

    My fingers slide across the screen, anticipation rising, unbidden. Someone, somewhere, wants to talk to me, if the short bursts of traded information that are texts can be called talking. I touch the unopened envelope, and the text appears. 

     My mom checking to see if I need any groceries. 

     The anticipation ebbs a little, as I respond. I exchange the phone for my studying.
The soft vibration distracts me again. I reassure myself it's only my mom again. 

   It's not! A is responding to an earlier question. Our exchange lasts a few minutes, then she doesn't reply. I check the phone occasionally, though I know it would have notified me of a new text. Half an hour goes by, and I wonder why I care so much about the five word reply.
      I know why, without wanting to.

     Every time the little envelope shows up, it validates me. I am worth contacting, and interacting with. On days when the screen is blank, my mood is a little dimmer. It seems that everyone else's lives are so busy, and I am left behind. Waiting.
      Why does the chime of my phone cause me to drop everything to respond?
      It's the sound of someone wanting me.

This was a pretty recent journal entry. God's been convicting me of how many distractions I let into my life. He's been challenging me to push deeper into our relationship, and to rest in His presence. Ask any of my friends, and they'll tell you resting is not my thing.
Since the Christian walk is full of challenges, here's one I'm laying down for myself:
Continue to give God part of my day, but do so with intention. This has been a pretty big plank in my eye. SO obvious, I've chosen to ignore it. The first step to fixing something is recognizing it's broken.
I would say wish me luck, but I don't believe in luck, so prayers would be appreciated!

May you be blessed!
Star