There Will Be Scars: When God Says Wait

Skin is amazing. It is flexible, yet strong enough to hold us together. It tells us if we're hot or cold, if we're experiencing pain or pleasure.
It tells stories. A tan says that you've been out in the sun. A blush betrays embarrassment or attraction (often at the same time)
Scars tell stories as well.
We don't choose them, but they serve as reminders of what you've gone through. Scars can be a badge of honor. "You should have seen the other guy!"
Sometimes, God allows us to become scarred.
I have more details about the surgery, which sparked all these thoughts about scars.
The operation will take eight hours, (originally it was six) and it's been moved up a day; October 20!
The hospital stay is double what we thought it would be. Now the doctor is saying 10-14 days.
I found out about the muscle, nerve and skin grafts. I'll have a five inch scar on my right shoulder blade. (News to me!) My foot will look . . . interesting.
I'm adjusting to the information. It's a process; tears are involved. I'm walking towards being okay.
Now, onto the other thing that's been occupying the space between my ears lately:
Healing.
A few Sundays ago, I was prayed over, several times. It was awesome! I love being in God's presence, and I want to be perfectly clear that I fully believe in, and receive His healing.
Over the course of my cancer journey, I have been prayed over, anointed, and cancer rebuked.

Sometimes, God says no.
Sometimes, God says wait.
Sometimes, He wants our trust.

I don't know what His timeline is. I know He has the power to heal, and He might, maybe the night before the surgery! I don't know.
Right now, the lump is still in my foot. I am in pain every day, the biting-your-pillow kind. I have prayed that it would go away.
It hasn't.
I trust God, and I see His hand EVERYWHERE, all over my life!
I'm struggling physically, but in lucid moments, I wouldn't change what has happened.
My faith is not dependent on when I get healed.
Please, by all means pray for me. Pray with me! But, if my journey is the long dark road, I'm going to need hugs and visits, too.
Much love,
Esther

Follow (Lessons Learned from Swing Dancing)

I have been wanting to take swing lessons for five years. I can finally cross it off my bucket list! It was one of those now-or-never situations. I don't know what recovery looks like, so I will dance while I can!
I've taken dance lessons in the past, and I seem to do well in lively, upbeat genres. Yes, I can tap :) (I tried hip-hop, but told I was too bouncy)
In swing, there are two positions, lead and follow.
My sister and I have done swing dancing, but since I was teaching her, I've always lead.
Until now.
Follow.
It's an accurate way to sum up the season I'm in. I love it when God takes a situation (like dancing) and gently uses it to make a point.
My instructor is great at giving feedback to make me a better dancer. One thing that keeps coming up it that I'm too tense, which leads to not executing turns correctly.
"Loosen up," he suggested. I did, and wow, it made a marked difference!
Another thing I'm struggling with is anticipating what the lead is going to do, and trying to control what's going on.
The thing that makes swing fun is the unpredictability. Once you learn the basic patterns, there's no limit to the combinations. The follow's job is to simply respond to what the lead is doing.
Last week, I has a breakthrough at the end of class.
Relaxed, I let go of trying, and effortlessly danced, turned, and trusted. How marvelous it is to follow!
I'm in a similar place with God. The future is a mystery. He has revealed small pieces of what He wants me doing, He's swung me way out of  my comfort zone and told me to trust, and follow.
I don't know the details. That is okay.
I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back.

Much love,
Esther