Life can change in the blink of an eye. You know that I know that.
I'm tired. I'm tired of having to adapt to new, overwhelming situations.
I've heard I can. I've heard I'm strong. I've heard I'll get through.
Chase your dreams.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
Lies.
The truth is, I can't.
I'm not strong enough right now. I can't muster up energy that isn't there. I can't push myself like I want to. Sometimes I can't get out of bed in the morning. Except I do. Somehow. I rise. and eat, and go to class. Sometimes I pay attention.
I'm in a show. We open tomorrow.
Finals are coming up. Since I'm at a theatre school, most of them are performances I'm not ready for.
The next four weeks stretch out in a daunting array of tasks to complete.
Have I mentioned I'm tired?
Maybe this sounds like I'm complaining.
Maybe I am. I know I chose this program, I had a good idea of what I was embarking on. But you can't always foresee what will happen. The challenge lies in the unexpected.
I'm discovering my fragility, and have the responsibility to respond to what my body, my soul, my heart is telling me.
I can't.
Most of the work that happens here is emotional, internal. We're taught awareness and breath. Listen to instincts. Respond to your scene partner. Be affected.
What happens when my instinct is to sleep?
Yet, I go on. There is no stopping. I marvel at the human body and mind. What it's capable of withstanding. What I'm able handle. Somewhere, deep inside me lies resiliency.
So, of course, I wrote a poem. Maybe not where I'm at right now, but where I hope to be.
Resiliency.
When shadows come to shroud my joy
The sun sinks as sleep escapes
I lie in shades of darkness
Dream bring no respite
One thing comes to rescue
The uncanny gift
Resiliency
I stretch my hands to stop the time
From marching regimentedly
But it continues, putting distance
Between me and what has hurt me
Unasked, it heals
Granting
Resiliency
