The Beginning of the End

I've haven't been posting lately, because life has been insanely crazy and awesome. Preparing and performing for the fundraiser, practicing for and recording the single. (!!!!)
 A long-anticipated trip to North Dakota to visit a dear friend.
Radiation has ended.
I have a surgery date.
I broke.
Physically and emotionally, something in me broke last week.
Radiation ended August 25, leaving me worse off than I could have imagined. There is a radiation burn the size of a saucer around the tumor. I was in constant pain, and couldn't walk. I returned to crying multiple times a day.
I'm terrified.
The operation is much later than we expected.
Last Wednesday we received the details. On Tuesday, October 21, at 5:30 am I will check into Cancer Care. The surgery starts at 7:30am, and lasts until 1:30pm. I'm not allowed any food 24 hours after surgery, in case of complications that will need a second operation.
When they said bed rest, I didn't realize what it meant. I'm on absolute bed rest for 7 days. My left foot can't be moved or lowered at all.
There's a myriad of unknowns. The surgeon doesn't know how many nerves will be removed until he actually looks inside my foot. Full sensory abilities won't return until a year after surgery.
There will be major scarring.
I was very blessed to have almost no side effects during radiation, but now my foot is falling apart.
The tumor is dead, and angry. (I won't get into all the gory details, because believe me, they are)
God is good. He gave me an incredible Labor day weekend with two immensely Godly women. The original purpose was just a visit, then Y got engaged a few days before we went down! L and I are bridesmaids, so we took the opportunity to find dresses.
I learned more about the layers of awesomeness that make up who L and Y are. (That could take up two separate posts!)
God deepened our friendship and knit our hearts closer. He's so amazing at bringing people from three different backgrounds and ages, yet we share so many deep heart things.
He broke my heart that weekend, sharpening my mercy in a way I've never felt. He's tuning my heart to echo His.
That's just a spoonful of the thoughts swirling in the soup of my mind.
Stay tuned, cause I have more posts I'm in the process of writing!
Love,
Esther